Dealing With Bitter Criticism*

Sheikh `A'id Abdullah Al-Qarni

By being unconcerned over trifles, a person displays a virtue that will surely bring happiness to him or her. Those who have lofty aims are concerned with the hereafter. A pious predecessor advised one of his brothers, saying, "Be concerned only with the following affairs: the day when you will meet Allah and stand before Him and the hereafter."

Almighty Allah says:

(On that Day [of Judgment], you shall be exposed to view — no secret of yours shall remain hidden.) (Al-Haqqah 69:18)

On the Day of Judgment, all worldly worries and concerns will be incomparable to those of that day. What are our main concerns in this worldly life? They are social status, prestige, fame, income, wealth, mansions, and children. They all become nothing when one stands before Almighty Allah on the Day of Judgment. Bearing this in mind will make you indifferent to how people should treat you.

Those who are ignorant have uttered curses at Almighty Allah, the Creator of all that exists. So, what treatment can you, as a human being, expect from people? You will always have to face criticism, which, in its onslaught, is like an interminable war that shows no sign of an end. As long as you shine, give, produce, and have a positive effect upon others, disapproval and condemnation will be your lot in this worldly life. This is made clear in the following verse:

(Or do they envy the people for what Allah has given them of His grace?) (An-Nisaa' 4:54)

Unless you manage to escape from people by finding a tunnel under the ground or a ladder leading up to the sky, people will not desist from censuring you and exposing even a minor fault in your character. As long as you are from the denizens of earth, expect to be hurt, insulted, and criticized.

Here is something that you should contemplate: A person who is sitting on the ground does not fall, and people do not kick a dead dog.

Therefore, people's anger toward you can be attributed to you surpassing them in righteousness, knowledge, manners, or wealth. In their eyes, you are a transgressor whose wrongs cannot be atoned for, unless you abandon your talents and strip yourself of all praiseworthy qualities, so that you become stupid, worthless, and to them, innocuous. This result is exactly what they want for you.

So, remain firm and patient when facing their insults and criticism. If you are wounded by their words and influenced by their attitude, you will have helped them realize their very hopes. Instead, forgive and show them the most beautiful of manners; turn away from them, and let not their schemes distress you. Their disapproval of you only increases your worth and merit. Certainly, you will not be able to silence them, but you are able to bury their criticisms by turning away from them and dismissing what they have to say. Almighty Allah says:

(Say, "Perish in your rage; surely Allah is Aware of what is hidden in the breasts.") (Aal `Imran3:119)

In fact, you will add to their rage by increasing your merits and developing your talents. However, if you desire to be accepted by all and loved by all, then you desire the unattainable.

*This article has been taken with modifications from the author's book Do Not Be Sad by Islamonline....

Blessing Even In Pain

By Sheikh `A'id Abdullah Al-Qarni
Da`iyah and Scholar — Saudi Arabia

Pain is not always a negative force; it is not something that one should always hate. At times, a person may benefit from the feeling of pain.

One might remember that, at times of great pain, one sincerely supplicated and remembered Allah. When a student studies hard, he or she often feels the pangs of heavy burden — sometimes perhaps the burden of monotony. But this student will eventually finish this stage of life and perhaps become a scholar.

Aches, pangs of passion, poverty, scorn of others, frustration and anger at injustices, and other feelings cause poets to write flowing and captivating verses. This is because poets feel the pain in the heart, nerves, and blood. As a result, they become able to infuse the same emotions, through poems, into the hearts of others. Many are the painful experiences the best writers had undergone. Those experiences inspired brilliant works that many people today continue to enjoy and benefit from.

A person who grew up in a life of comfort and repose and who was not stung by hardships might be an unproductive, lazy, and lethargic individual. Likewise, the poets who knew no pain and who never tasted a bitter disappointment will invariably produce heaps upon heaps of cheap words. This is because their words pour forth from their tongues and not from their feelings or emotions. Although they may comprehend what they have written, their hearts and bodies do not feel the experience.

More worthy and relevant to the aforementioned examples are the lives of the Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). They lived during the period of revelation and took part in the most important religious revolution the humankind has ever seen. Indeed, they had greater faith, nobler hearts, sincerer tongues, and deeper knowledge than those who came after them.

They lived through pain and suffering, and both of these are necessary for great revolutions. They felt the pains of hunger, poverty, rejection, abuse, banishment from home and homeland, and abandonment of all pleasures. They boldly endured the pains of wounds and even torture and death. They were in truth chosen people — the elite of humankind. They were models of purity, nobleness, and sacrifice. A confirmation of this meaning is related in the Qur'an concerning the people of Madinah and those around them of the dwellers of the desert as follows:

[This is because there afflicts them neither thirst nor fatigue nor hunger in Allah's way, nor do they tread a path that enrages the unbelievers, nor do they gain from the enemy a gain but a good work is written down to them on account of it; surely Allah does not waste the reward of the doers of good.] (At-Tawbah 9:120)

There are many in the history who have produced their greatest works out of the pain and the suffering they experienced. An example is the Arab poet known as Al-Mutanabbi. When he was afflicted with a severe fever, he wrote some of his best poems. So, one should not become excessively anxious and fearful of any potential pain or suffering. It may well be that through pain and suffering one will become stronger and more creative. Furthermore, a person who lives with a burning, yet passionate, heart is purer and nobler than a person who lives with a cold heart and a shortsighted outlook. Almighty Allah says,

[But Allah did not like their going forth, so He withheld them, and it was said (to them), "Hold back with those who hold back."] (At-Tawbah 9:46)

As the verse tells, those who lagged behind and did not take part in the battle and go through the accompanying hardships were not loved by Almighty Allah.

The words of a passionate sermon can reach the innermost depth of the heart and penetrate the deepest part of the soul, because the one who gives such sermons has experienced pain and suffering.

I have read many books of poetry and others filled with sermons. Many of these were passionless and did not seem to shake a hair on the body of the reader. Perhaps that is because the poets or the orators did not truly feel what they expressed. Hence, their works were cold like blocks of ice.

If one wishes to affect others, whether with speech, poetry, or even actions, one must first feel the passion inside. One must be moved by the meanings of what he or she is trying to convey. Then, and only then, one will come to realize that he or she can have an impact on others.

It goes without saying that the Islamic Shari`ah urges Muslims not to expose themselves to any hardship or pain for no lofty purpose. However, when a Muslim inescapably faces such difficult moments for the sake of Allah, it is a different story. In such a case, he or she should make best use of this feeling of his or hers.This believer should turn the pain into a force of creativity, thoughtfulness and giving. He or she is to be sure that those who feel the greatest pain are usually the most tenderhearted.

* Excerpted with modifications from the author's book Do Not Be Sad.

Sheikh `A'id Abdullah Al-Qarni is a prominent Saudi scholar and da`iyah. He has his doctorate in Hadith. He has made many audio lectures and a number of TV programs about different Islamic and Da`wah-related topics.